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This period marks a full decade since the phrase “disappearing” entered the mainstream. Initially, the concept that someone could suddenly stop communication with a partner without any notice seemed like the peak of rudeness. We were so innocent. In the 10 years since, seeking a mate has only become more confounding – an oftentimes fruitless endeavor in humiliation that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media lingo.

Generation Z, a generation who grew up during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a widespread assault on the rights of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic terrain than their millennial predecessors could ever imagine. And so their dating vocabulary has grown longer and more deranged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” straining the limits of your sanity.

The following list is a comprehensive glossary to the terms this generation is using to talk about romance, intimacy and the search of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most enduring online sayings, by the end of this glossary you’ll yearn to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Authenticity – In the view of Zoomers, dating’s ideal is showing up as your real, unvarnished self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend connected to a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your date's reaction is engaged or brushed off. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Independent partner – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while oozing mystery and independence. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

C

Support test – This signifies choosing someone who supports you proactively. If you entered a room, they would fetch a seat for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people bond while running errands, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how broke young adults do affordable dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Emotional spiral – Losing it when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or breakup, dumping all of your unreciprocated emotions.

D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 80s young urban professional affluence, it refers to couples who choose against having children to focus on their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Open communication – The opposite of playing it cool: embracing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Indicators

• Warning signs – Behavioral habits indicating a prospective partner is not right. Examples include calling their former partners crazy, subpar tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks affirm your choice to date a mate. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, owning a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe niche, mostly inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Such as being an keen ornithologist, still carrying around a biro in their wallet, paying rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as obsessive about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who despises the same things or individuals that you do (few things creates intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A band many young men likes.

Zombie-ing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and devoted. The rare boyfriend who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally postponing orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An stereotype touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily domestic, who apparently has no aspirations of her own aside from pleasing her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Icks – Arbitrary and often mundane dealbreakers that instantly extinguish any feelings of interest.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an incredibly thoughtful display.

J

Professions – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in sectors they perceive as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has existed for 16 million years. But the era of locking lips may be waning since some Zoomers desire fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy authentic.

Light catfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {